Kyunki saas bhi kabhi 'serial-heroine' thi

What happens when there are times when the only thing that your mum wants to watch on TV are sad stories about several families, each with it's own share of 'good' and 'evil' women, all of whom have no real purpose in the world other than to cry or make absurd faces and make others cry?

You become ME. Someone who detests anything remotely soap-ish or serial-ish in Hindi/Tamil.

Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about:
Most serials have a protagonist who is basically a sad woman of the house who has a lot more responsibility other than just being a woman of the house.

• She leads by example.
• She supports the family.
• She murders the 'evil' landlord for the family and goes to prison.
• She stands up against the scariest of gundas.
• She is the consummate self-sacrificer who will do anything to keep the family in good spirits.
• She will see her family through all it's suffering, bravely pacifying the stupid younger brother, the helpless husband who's family kicks him out of his house, the sister who's marriage was earlier stalled by the protagonist's business competitors.
• She will have a father with a zillion wives.
• She will have a husband who is in love with her sister.
• She will be the woman that every woman( and man, seriously!?!?!) who watches these soaps wants to be.
• She will quite literally be the SuperWoman \m/
  

Why would an idea that seems so absurd on paper, actually work in reality?

Possible Answers:

1. Wait, maybe it's not all that absurd, seeing that there are a few households where it really happens.. (ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? If there is a family as dysfunctional as the Garodia Khandan or the Walia Parivar, there would be no reason for soaps to work. Because people want to see what can happen when that actually is the case.
2. Maybe because it is what every house-wife imagines herself to be, an idyllic housewife if you might. (Quite possible, but I can show you a zillion other much less dramatic examples)
3. Maybe because women power is the in thing and you are a fool for not realizing that. Stop being such an MCP! (I'll stop when there are male protagonists.)
4. Mybe because it's a good way to pass time. (Why on earth were Books, Games, ENGLISH Movies and Sports invented!?!?!?! WHY!?!)
   
5. Maybe because Ekta Kapoor is consideraly richer than you are because she knows what she's doing and you should just shut up and stop writing. (Maybe, maybe not. Still, that's not gonna stop me from calling something that's absurd ABSURD! Deal with it)

Some trends I've noticed:

• 'Evil' women in the soaps have extremely arched eyebrows and usually wear dark, scary nail gloss and lipstick.
• 'Evil' women have all the fancy names.
• Some of the names of 'Evil' men in the soaps are downright hilarious.
• Even the richest of families undergo a severe monetary crisis.
• Court cases invariably have a female lawyer who gets trounced by her male counterpart in the first argument, but comes back very strongly in the second and wins the case for her client.
• Soaps that have run for more than a year on a 4/5 days a week basis rin for at least another year(rather than being banned from TV-space for all eternity).
• There is always a dirty cop.
• There is always a disgusting in-law in the family (or one with a shady past).
• Someone gets pushed off a cliff (By far the most favourite way to kill off characters).
• Actors get replaced every now and again when their roles in the serials change accordingly.
• The 'evil' people make pacts with one of the good people and work from the inside.
• Actors who are reasonably successful in one soap invariably act in a multitude of others in quick succession leaving the older watchers of television in complete disarray as to what happens in one episode.
• The title song for most soaps have the most awesome singers in the industry rendering the vocals.
• The background music used in most soaps are either loud repetitive beats or sad howling, and in some cases slowed down versions of popular movie songs (read Hindi soaps).
• 100% of the soaps suck. But there is the occasional AWESOME character who lights things up.

Yes, I would love to continue venting, but it is already quite long and I won't take any more of your time. Yes, I would have to watch a lot of serials to know all this. With grandparents visiting every now and again with a solid 1800-2300hrs slot assigned for tamil serials and reruns of Hindi serials screened during that time in the mornings and afternoons with a mum who loves watching them exactly when there's some activity on the dining table, I have little choice.

Cliched title again? Who cares...