The Last Bench

The infamous last bench: why this community of people who occupy the last benches for any period of time during their lives are the most despised by teachers, but are yet the "coolest" people around.

My Mama always said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get."

but who the hell cares, it's CHOCOLATE for God's sake! Why would you care what kinda chocolate you got!? *shrugs*.. Strange people...

*clarification: My Mama never said that, and that might have absolutely no connection to the topic I'm writing about now, but hell, i like Forrest Gump's accent, so visualize him saying that or me doing a Forrest Gump imitation (for those of you who have had no prior experience, they call me an American, even though I'm not, and actually, No, they don't.).

Back to the matter at hand, The Last Bench, where Einsteins lose their IQs and anyone whose intelligence is comparable to that of Forrest Gump is a God (No offense Forrest!).

Well, in the first few weeks of college, I went from sitting in one part of the class to another, not surprisingly, the position my rear ended up occupying was one of the few seats that are reserved for people whose rears usually occupy last benches. Well, what do you know, contrary to popular belief that people always rush to occupy the last few benches in class so as to have the most comfortable view of what is happening in the class, yet not be troubled by an over-enthusiastic lecturer out to suck their blood, the people in my class were in fact overly enthusiastic themselves and preferred the seats in front of the class where the only place to look at might be the teachers face(full of feeling, emotion, intensity, and yes, of course Saliva), Honestly, who would want to endure an hour's lecture staring at one of the least impressive sights the world has to offer and end up needing an equivalent of an umbrella to keep themselves out of the "Spray zone".

That is when I was inspired to write about the ignorance of the most CRAZY/RETARDED/CRAZY/MORONIC/CRAZY/GEEKY/CRAZY/BORING/CRAZY people in the world ( No offense Crazy people who sit in the first bench).

Below, I have compiled a List of top five excuses Crazy First Benchers give when asked about their enthusiasm to go through hell and my reactions are in paratheses:

1. I can't see the board from here.. (Well, DON'T!!)

2. I can't hear what the lecturer's saying.. (Isn't that the WHOLE POINT?)

3. I paid my fees to study in college and I can study only if i listen in class.. (WHOA, easy, easy, if that was the only reason, why on earth didn't you invest in an iPod?!? Much more fun to listen to if you ask me!)

4. My glasses(read spectacles) are broken, let me sit in the first bench till they're fixed.. (I would be the happiest person in the world if I were you, at least you can use that as an excuse to continue sitting in Heaven, I know it's good ;))

5. Ooooooh? It's my favourite class, I have to sit in the first bench!! (Favourite class? I didn't realize that an invitation to see the deepest darkest desperate doldrums of the universe would feature on ANYONE's favourite list!?!?!)

Okay! As you might have figured out, I made a lot of this up and a lot of this made up stuff doesn't really seem to make that much sense, but, I write cause I can, and I will cause I'm AWESOME(that was a tribute to Barney).

Over and Out